I recently browsed a dog adoption website and found the dog. And I put it in the ‘one day…’ box in my head. You know the imaginary file (or cabinet) in your brain where you put in all the things you want to do but right now you can’t for whatever reason. The dog is more a financial’ one day’ and depends on so much on future circumstances.
It is hard to think future you when your are in a hard spot now. I wanted to go to Europe in the European Winter at the end of the year, it was my goal (that and seeing Hamilton). But that presumes that I will have the means to do it in December, while of course lots can happen, rarely does it change. And so another year comes and I think the same darn thoughts so much so that it has become a cycle. A cycle which makes you think that you possibly are genetically programmed to fail or struggle and wonder just what is God or whoever else’s plan for you. You know that saying- You make plans and God laughs- just why? I could win a medal for the amount questions I have.
It does not help when you go on social media and there is someone posting an inspirational quote- like why? It is great when people succeed but there is a reason people don’t too. Money and resources is that reason (among others), because without money you can’t get that apartment or do that Europe trip. I feel like giving up is an art form because of how many times I have had to do it. Each time it isn’t easier because I feel like I am selling some part of myself and my alternatives are not what I want. My alternatives will get me where I want to go but on a slower pace and I can’t assure my future.
Travel is one thing that is non-negotiable in my life- it has been my goal for a very long time. I don’t think you should leave it too late in life to do and here I am in my prime not being able to do it. The pictures on Facebook remind me daily of the fact that I am not there. I’ve talked about moving on in the past but I can’t without a solid job or savings. I can’t learn an instrument or do those adult ballet classes without money. I can’t move to another country without job experience where I am now. I would like to think I have life experience but I doubt everyone sees it that way. I left university a few years ago because the commute was killing me, I had a cold a lot of the time and I thought now I would be in a place where I could go back because I thought I would have a job now and be able to be closer to where I need to be. But I am not, I am no closer to that then I was three years ago. I am no closer to anything- perhaps closer in someways but no closer in others that actually count.
So, please think twice before commenting on the ‘young people these days’. We are all trying our hardest and we all have our struggles that we are trying to overcome. As in Hamilton, “I am young, scrappy and hungry/and I’m not throwing away my shot”.
Until next time,
I do not own the rights to the lyrics used.