So this is one post that I feel the need to get out there before it eats at me and my poor friends are over me talking about it.
Last year I lost someone so this Christmas will be our second without that person. A lot has of course happened in a year and it has taken me probably that year to sort my head out and take on new things. One of those things was writing a novel, it was a way to put my feelings down into words as a character made by me goes through it. That I hope will be finished soon and eventually it can be read. Another thing was beginning a series which I have begun to research that will be curated, written and published.
That second thing, however, is what has changed in the scheme of things. I have talked in the past of being a restless person- wanting to explore the world. That series needs me to do that, it is beyond what I can research in my home country. It needs to be correct, the readers need to feel that they are there and I wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is why I must go weirdly. I have watched everyone move on- get new jobs, children, travel, big moves- and yet, I have not. I am still in the same spot with the same stories as I was a year ago and I can’t do that anymore. I realized I have no stories, my first thought is a book I read or that series I am currently binge watching (currently The Good Wife), sometimes even when I watched a YouTuber go somewhere. Also that on Facebook, it is either flooded with pictures of babies or adventures abroad and you get to the point of WTF. Like, what ever happened in my life for me to be left when I wanted so badly to go.
As for writing, well for me it is like free therapy. It is a way for me to get lost in words and play God slightly. When you write it can become consuming, and can be your only thoughts as well. Recently I was listening to She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 and for whatever reason, I got an idea and I’ll put it to paper eventually. Weirdly I sort my head sometimes with writing as well. A good form of escapism is also reading and going into an actual library and getting lost in all the books I want to devour.
Moving on is a difficult decision. It means sometimes that you must leave behind people you do love and care for. But your mental health/happiness is so important, it is one thing i have learnt over the last year. You have to find that way or risk waking up in ten years going WTF. Everyone has what they need in their lives- some live in the same place, raise kids and some go off and have crazy adventures- but the important thing is is that you’ve lived your life and are happy.
‘Not all those who wander are lost’ -JRR Tolkien
So, if you will bear with me in the coming months, thanks for reading.